


This Mess Was Yours, Now Your Mess Is Mine

by CaptainDean13



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers Family, Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of Angst, M/M, My First Fanfic, Past Child Abuse, Violence, angst got a way from me a bit...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 11:24:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8204285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainDean13/pseuds/CaptainDean13
Summary: A surprise visitor reveals some dark truths about the Avengers' past...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from " Mess is Mine" By Vance Joy
> 
> See end notes for trigger warnings (warning - some spoilers!)

“Wait! Wait! Don’t start it yet!”

Natasha paused with her finger over the remote and quirked an eyebrow at Tony. The engineer was attempting to squirm his way out of Steve’s lap. The three of them had decided to spend their rare day off attempting to cross of a few more entries on the “Cap’s Current Century Crash Course” – the list that Tony and Clint had spent an inordinate amount of time compiling. 

Steve was sprawled across most of the couch with Tony nestled in his lap. Natasha had claimed the remaining corner of the couch and was curled in a blanket with her feet wedged under Steve’s thigh, using him as a foot warmer. She freed one of her feet now and used it to give Tony the push he needed to free himself. He grinned at her while collecting the empty popcorn bowls from the table.

“Just for that I’ll let you pick the seasoning.”

“Chili powder.” She replied, smiling at the noise of disgust that Steve made. 

Tony snorted in amusement. “Don’t worry babe. I gotta make you your own bag anyway or Tasha and I won’t get any popcorn.” Laughing, he dodged the pillow that Steve chucked at him as he left the room.

Natasha’s smile softened as she glanced over at her friend. She was glad that all her attempts at match making had fallen flat. 

_I’ve never seen him this happy. Between him and Stark getting their heads out of their asses and Barnes returning to some semblance of normal, he is doing well._

There had been a period of time when Natasha was very concerned for her friend. Aside from the few times she was able to drag him out with her, Steve had done nothing but go on missions and go to the gym and run. Natasha knew that a large portion of the credit for the turn-around had to be laid at Sam’s feet. 

_Thank God for Sam._

“Natasha?” 

At the sound of Steve’s voice, she realizes that she has been studying him silently since Tony left the room. Natasha opens her mouth to reply, but before she can a sharp, sudden CRACK from behind them has both Steve and Natasha leaping to their feet and spinning to face…

“Howard?!” Steve’s voice sounds strangled. 

Howard Stark was standing in the middle of his son’s living room, blinking at his surroundings. He turns at his name, his dark eyes focusing on them for the first time. A wide grin split his face as he nearly shouted “Steve!”

“What…how…I mean… this isn’t….” Unable to form a full question, Steve fell silent and merely stared at his long dead friend. 

Natasha studied the man as he made his way over to the dumbstruck blond at her side. She had seen pictures of course, but in person the physical similarities between Howard and his son were striking.

_No wonder Steve had such a hard time looking at Tony when they met._

“How am I here?” Howard laughed. “I finally got it to work!” He waved his wrist in front of him, showing them the device wrapped around it. “I knew I was close, I just needed to calibrate the…” Howard slipped into full technobabble. Steve was watching him, the shock slowly morphing into a familiar fond half-smile. 

_Jesus. No wonder Steve has always been so good at managing Tony – he had practice._

Steve let Howard ramble for a minute and then held up a hand and interjected, “Are you saying you figured out time travel?”

“Well yes, that is exactly what I am saying! Try and keep up my friend. What year is it and where are we?”

“New York, 2016.” Steve answered patiently.

“Damn. I’m still off by a couple of years. And I have no idea what is going on with the geographical locations. Every time I jump I end up in some unknown location. I haven’t found the pattern yet – it’s an adventure!” he summarized, eyes sparkling. 

“So you weren’t trying to get here?” Steve clarified.

“No! It is a happy coincidence that I ended up here with you.”

Whatever Steve is going to reply, it is lost when Tony comes back into the room, complaining “I wasn’t able to get any drinks because I had a shit ton of popcorn to carry and…” he stops dead at the sight before him. Natasha watches the blood drain from his face as both bowls of popcorn slip through nerveless fingers to shatter on the floor.

“D-dad? No this is impossible…” he murmurs. 

Natasha stares as the gregarious man next to Steve turns to his son and his whole face hardens. “Tony?” he sneers. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I live here.” Tony manages. “We all do.” 

Howard’s gaze flips between Steve and Tony, dismissing Natasha without a thought. “Are you telling me,” he drawls, his tone cold, “that you are roommates with Captain America? How did that happen?”

“The whole team…” Tony begins, only to be interrupted by Howard’s cruel laugh.

“Team?! Team? You cannot be suggesting that you and Steve are on a team together. Who the hell do you think you are, boy? Barnes? Morita? Me? In what realm are you good enough to merit being on a team with Steve Rogers?”

A sharp, stuttering intake of breath has Natasha whipping her head around to look at Steve. He looks like someone had hit him upside the head with a 2X4, although as she watched the look faded into one of horror as he stared at Howard like he had never seen him before. 

_He probably hasn’t. Not this version anyway. I bet Tony and Maria are the only ones who have seen this Howard._

A small noise had both Steve and Natasha’s gazes snapping to Tony. He was shrinking in on himself, shoulders hunched, body tilting away from his father.

_Oh no,_ Natasha thought sadly, _I know that pose._

Glancing back to Steve she actually rocked back slightly at the look of cold fury on Steve’s normally kind face.

_Oh shit,_ she thought, _so does Steve._

“JARVIS,” Steve gritted out through his clenched jaw. His hands were white-knuckled fists at his sides. “Enact Whiskey-Sierra Protocol. Now.”

Natasha stared at him. Whiskey-Sierra Protocol was a safety feature that they had put into place when Steve had finally convinced Bucky to come home with him. Steve was the only one that could reliably contain Bucky if he slipped back into the Winter Soldier. Tony could usually do it in the suit, but that took time to put on. Thor could do it as well, but he was constantly coming and going from the tower. The protocol stated that, when enacted by any member of the team, Steve would immediately drop everything and head to Bucky as fast as possible. Once there he would restrain Bucky no questions asked. They had used it successfully a handful of times at the beginning, but Bucky hadn’t had a relapse in months. He wasn’t even in the room now, so Natasha wasn’t sure why Steve was calling it.

“Captain…” JARVIS sounded as confused as Natasha felt. “I am not sure I understand. Sergeant Barnes is sparring with Agent Barton in the gym. There is no sign that he-“

“No. Not Bucky.” Steve growled and Natasha had to steel herself not to take a step back from him. “Me. I am calling Whiskey-Sierra on myself. Get Bucky up here right now.”

“Yes sir.” The AI replied quietly.

Natasha’s eyebrows were almost to her hairline at this point. She had never expected anything like this from Steve and she prided herself on her ability to read and predict people. If Steve was calling Whiskey-Sierra on himself than he wasn’t sure he could control himself. Steve Rogers without his careful control… if Natasha was not absolutely certain that none of that rage was directed towards her, she would be arming herself and getting as far from him as possible.

_Still sounds like a good idea,_ she thought nervously, _but I can’t just leave him like this._

“Steve?” Natasha asked cautiously. “If you need to leave…”

He shook his head minutely, eyes never leaving his boyfriend and Howard – who had continued to beret his son throughout the exchange. 

“I can’t.” He rasped and Natasha could hear just how much this was costing him. “I can’t leave him.”

_Of course not._

Natasha slowly started to ease herself further from Howard and towards Tony. “JARVIS.” She said quietly.

“I told them to hurry.” The AI responded in a similar tone, anticipating her question. “I have sped the elevator as much as is safe.”

“Thank you. You should also warn them – Clint especially – that Steve is a legitimate threat and I am not sure he will be aware enough to check himself. They could be hurt just by being in the wrong place.”

_There is something I never thought I would say about Steve._

“I relayed your warning.” There was an odd note in JARVIS’s voice.

“And?”

“I have never heard such a… colorful response. I am quite certain that several of those things are impossible. I was also forced to go looking for definitions for several of the words.”

_I am sure you did._ She thought, reluctantly amused. Just as she was beginning to think they might avoid bloodshed, Howard gestured violently at the shattered bowls at Tony’s feet. Tony flinched and Steve’s control snapped. 

With a roar he launched himself at Howard. He was met halfway by Bucky, who hit him around the middle and kept going, using his momentum to carry Steve across the room. They hit the wall hard enough to leave a dent, but Steve was unfazed. He was fighting to get Bucky off of him, snarling “How could you?! What did you do?!”

Bucky was slowly losing ground, his super strength no match for an enraged Steve Rogers. “Clint!” He barked in desperation.

Clint, who had been staring in shock at their captain, snapped out of it and surged forward to help Bucky pin Steve. 

Natasha approached Howard. “Look at me.” She snapped. Her tone was enough to drag his eyes from the struggling men to her face. She let her own fury at him turn her expression into what Clint called her “mother fuckers ‘bout to die” face and said slowly, “if you value your life leave now. I’m not sure how long those boys will hold Steve once they figure out why this happened.”

His dark eyes searched her face with confusion. 

Starting to feel her own control slip, Natasha edged closer and hissed, “Your son is a part of our family. We don’t take kindly to people threatening or hurting our family. In fact, we have killed everyone who tried. Want to see if you are the exception to that?”

Howard swallowed thickly. He looked back at Steve with longing and then turned to his son, pressing buttons on his device as he did. “You know what I did to find him! You of all people know! And now you have managed to ruin that for me as well? I always knew you were the worst decision I ever made.” With that parting shot he disappeared, leaving a silence in his wake broken only by Steve’s growling pants and Tony’s small broken sob.

Once Howard was gone, Steve stopped fighting Bucky and Clint and slumped back against the wall. 

“Stevie?” Bucky asks. “You good, pal?” 

At Steve’s nod, Bucky and Clint carefully released him. Steve slid down the wall to land in a crumpled heap on the floor. He was starting to shake from all the adrenaline in his system and his panting was starting to shift into hitching sobs. 

“Tony?” Steve croaked.

Tony took a deep, shuddering breath. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Yeah Steve, I’m okay.”

Steve made a slightly hysterical noise and turned to bury his face in Bucky’s leg. 

“Was that Howard?” Bucky asked. When Natasha nodded slowly, he looked from her to Tony to Steve and finally to where Howard had been. She could see the moment Bucky realized the situation and to her surprise there was a moment when the anger on his face rivaled Steve’s. Then Bucky’s head snapped down to look at his best friend and he let out a string of curses in Russian that had Clint’s eyebrows inching up his brow. 

“Someone care to tell me what the fuck is going on?” Clint asked finally. 

_I wouldn’t mind the answer to that myself._

“I mean, what with Steve’s ranting and everything else, I am guessing that Howard Stark is not winning any father of the year awards. That’s rough, Tony. I’m sorry – I know how that goes.” Clint continued when no one answered.

Bucky, Tony and Natasha all turned to Clint with a variety of expressions: Natasha’s knowing, Tony’s surprised and Bucky’s almost calculating. Clint returned their looks and one corner of his mouth turned up. “Kids with loving parents don’t generally run away to join the circus at the age of eleven.”

Tony winced. “I-I used to be better at handling him. It just caught me off guard. I didn’t expect to walk in and see…him. I’m sorry.”

_I think Steve is having a stroke._ Natasha thought as she watched the soldier attempt to breathe, yell, stand up and move toward Tony all at once. None of it appeared to be working, especially when Bucky laced his fingers through Steve’s hair and used his position to hold Steve in place.

“Steve, calm down and breathe. Tony, don’t you dare apologize for that.” Bucky’s voice was implacable, and both men immediately complied. 

Clint’s sharp gaze flickered from Tony to Bucky and then narrowed on Steve. “Alright…” He said slowly. “I am going to ask again. What the fuck just happened? Because despite the fact that Steve just learned that his old buddy was actually an asshole father that abused Steve’s boyfriend, I have seen him handle much worse – no offense – revelations and never come close to losing control. Not to mention Bucky’s outburst, which was impressive, by the way. You are gonna have to teach me some of those.”

For a long moment, no one said anything, everyone watching Steve and Bucky. Bucky was watching Steve closely as the blond shuddered and pressed his forehead against his best friend’s thigh hard before pulling back to meet the brunet’s gaze.

“We have to tell them Buck.” He murmured. 

Bucky’s face was carefully impassive as he searched his friend’s face. Finally, he nodded slightly. “Are you sure?” His voice was cautionary – not like he was trying to keep Steve from what he planned, but more like he wanted to make sure it wasn’t something Steve would regret doing.

“They deserve to know the truth about me and I think… I think I need to tell them. It’s been a secret for far too fucking long.”

The other three startled at Steve’s language. They waited wide eyed as Steve leaned his head back against the wall and took a deep breath. He shut his eyes and said tonelessly, “I murdered Bucky’s father.”

Dead silence.

Then…

“God dammit Stevie! You can’t just fucking blurt shit out like that! I thought you’d at least give them a bit of backstory first.”

Clint blinked several times and then visibly shook himself and said to Bucky, “You a member of the shitty dads club as well then?”

Bucky nodded. “My dad was a mean drunk and an alcoholic. People never knew for sure – the bruises I got from him usually just blended in with the ones I was getting from pulling this punk out of trouble. Steve figured it out real quick, and his ma wasn’t far behind. Sarah Rogers was a real smart dame. A saint too – pulled me aside not long after Steve and I became friends and told me I was always welcome to stay with them. Took her up on it a few times but… I had two little sisters. I was afraid that if I wasn’t around for the old man to whale on that he’d go after them.”

He paused and started to run his fingers through Steve’s hair as he tipped it to lean against Bucky’s thigh. Eyes never leaving Steve, Bucky continued in a soft voice. “One night he was really out of control. He was going to kill me.” He said bluntly. “I knew it, could feel it, and I was terrified that after he did he would go after ma or the girls. I was screaming for ma to take the girls and go to the Rogers. I knew Sarah would take them in without a moment’s hesitation. Let them stay as long as they needed with no questions asked. Ma didn’t want to leave me alone, but she was as scared as I was. So she finally grabbed the girls’ coats and left. I just… lay there, waiting for it all to end. Don’t really know how much time passed before the door slammed open and this tiny blond spitfire comes surging in with a baseball bat. Hit my old man ‘round the head with every bit of strength in his body. That was the first time Steve saved me. He hasn’t stopped since. Idiot.”

“Steve…” Tony starts, moving towards him. “You were trying to protect your best friend. He would have killed Bucky and you stopped him. Why on Earth would you think any of us would judge you for that?”

Steve held up a hand, stalling Tony before he could reach him. He opens his eyes and Natasha is taken aback by how haunted they look. “Bucky edited that story. He left out the important part.”

“I told them the part that matters.” Bucky stated stubbornly. “How many times do I have to tell you that?”

Steve ignores him, lifting his eyes to meet Tony’s. The blue depths are full of fear and guilt and pain. “You told me once that you don’t trust a man without a dark side.” Tony flinched, but didn’t break eye contact. “Do you remember what I said to you?”

“You said that I hadn’t seen it yet….” Tony answered and Natasha blinked in surprise. 

_Not an answer I expected._

Tony continued, “But Steve, you don’t think that I don’t trust – “

Steve shakes his head sharply and interrupts him. “Bucky is trying to hide my dark side right now. He always has. But you deserve to know the truth. I should have told you long before this.”

“Steve please just...”

“Bucky’s version is true. But that is not the end of it. God, when Mrs. Barnes and the girls showed up at our door without Bucky I thought my heart had stopped. I didn’t even think, just grabbed my bat and took off. The whole way to his apartment I was sure I was going to be too late. When I got there, Buck wasn’t moving, just lying on the floor while Mr. Barnes kicked him. I saw red. I hit him around the head alright, then took his knees out from under him. Once he was on the ground I just hit him over and over and over….” Steve’s voice is reaching a hysterical pitch, and he breaks himself off by shoving his fist in his mouth.

“Holy Hell.” Clint breathed. “What stopped you?”

“I did.” Bucky said. “Managed to pull myself close enough to grab his ankle. As soon as I touched him Steve dropped the bat and collapsed next to me. I called Mrs. Rogers and told her that she needed to come and bring my ma, but to leave the girls with a neighbor. Steve was… in rough shape. His ma had me take him into the bedroom and calm him down while she and Ma dealt with the body. They wrapped him up and dumped him in an alley not far from the apartment. Figured no one would connect him to us because…” He stopped abruptly, as if he had just realized what he was saying.

Steve’s voice is level again amd deadly serious as he says “No. Tell them Buck. Our mothers weren’t worried about anyone connecting him to us because there was no way to recognize him with his face bashed in. That I hit him so many times that what was left only looked vaguely human.”

Tony gagged and Clint’s face was blank with shock. Natasha was more concerned with the piece of information that both men had omitted. 

“How old were you?” She asks quietly. 

Bucky responds, his voice low and thick. “I was 12. Steve was 10.”

Clint slides down the wall next to Steve. Natasha feels her heart break for her gentle friend. 

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ.” Tony breathes. “You were just a kid.” 

Steve laughs bitterly. “Yeah. Murdered my first man before I even hit puberty. Don’t you see? I’m not who everyone thinks I am! You all think I’m some pillar of society but I’m a monster. Erksine told me that the serum enhances everything. ‘Good becomes great. Bad becomes worse.’ Well my bad was already miles ahead of most people’s so what the hell does that make me now?! God I was so relieved when I put that plane in the water. I thought ‘I can finally stop pretending.’ And then… dammit…then I woke up here and not only did people still see me as a beacon of goodness and truth, but that is ALL they see! At least before, Bucky knew. And the Commandos saw me in that fucking war so they knew enough. But they all went to their graves without saying anything. So no one knew. Everyone saw Captain America and no one saw the twisted man underneath. And then Fury put me in that fucking cabin but then there was the Chitari and you guys and I thought maybe, maybe this time could be different. Maybe I could become the person that everyone thought I was. But I was, fuck, I was wrong and I have been lying to you this whole time and I just…”

“Enough.” Tony’s sharp voice breaks through Steve’s rambling like a whip. He crosses to where Steve is huddled against the wall. Crouching in front of his boyfriend, he grips Steve’s chin hard and forces his gaze up to meet his own. There is a muscle ticking in Tony’s jaw and Steve looks resigned and hurt as he absorbs the sight of Tony’s anger.

“You listen to me.”

_I didn’t know he could sound that hard._

“You are not a monster. You are not twisted. You are human, something we all overlooked when you first came out of the ice. That’s on us, we fucked up, but you know we don’t think that anymore.” He continues over Steve’s protests. “Have you forgotten who the rest of this team is? Natasha, Bucky and Clint were some of the world’s top assassins. My nickname is the fucking Merchant of Death. Hulk destroyed most of Harlem and Thor spent centuries war- mongering. Our team is swimming in blood. But not one of us can change that. All we can do now is try to live the rest of our lives doing good.”

Seeing that Steve is still not convinced, Tony asks quietly, eyes never leaving Steve, “Natasha, how old were you when you killed for the first time?”

“17.” She answered steadily. “But I had been training for it since I was 6.”

“Clint?”

“15.” Came the quiet reply.

“I was 8 the first time I helped Howard designed a weapon. Steve, none of us were children for long. Most of that was out of our control.”

Tony’s grip softened and he slid his hand so he was cupping Steve’s cheek. “You are a good man Steve Rogers and I love you.”

Leaning forward, Tony gently pressed his lips to Steve’s. That chaste kiss was Steve’s undoing. His face twisted and then he was sobbing. Tony pulled the younger man into his arms and let him sob, pressing soft kisses to the top of his head and murmuring things Natasha couldn’t hear. 

Crisis mostly over, Bucky finally let the tension bleed from his frame. He sank to join the huddle on the floor, gently rubbing Steve’s back as Clint and Natasha exchanged a sad glance.

**Author's Note:**

> Possible Triggers:
> 
> Brief discussion and description of multiple cases of past child abuse and graphic description of murder.


End file.
